Stop the Insanity: Why Sizing Up is Really Tearing Down


For years I’ve been afraid of what others will think of me

…afraid to tell people things about myself or what’s really going on in my life, afraid to not look a certain way, afraid to not act a certain way.  And I’m worn out and tired.  Who can I talk to, EVER, if I can’t be myself?   It’s taken the Holy Spirit’s promoting to dive into this, but I’ve finally unwrapped why I’m so afraid.

I’m afraid others will judge me in the same way I have judged them, afraid others will cut me down and tear me apart because that’s exactly what I’ve done to them.

Last week, I shared my thought life battle.  In short, I have been super stinky at loving other women with my thoughts.   {To get the full story, check it out here.}  But, as I said before, the more I open up about this, the more I see this sin struggle with women everywhere.

The good and the bad news is that there is no new sin under the sun.

Other women have struggled with this before too.  In 1 Kings 3:16-28 we see this scenario play out as King Solomon listens to two mothers fighting over a baby.  Basically, one woman’s baby dies during the night.  Upon seeing her dead baby, she steals the baby of her roommate.  Thus, the two women are fighting over the living baby and bring their case to the king.  Solomon calls for a sword, planning to cut the baby in two so each mother can have half of the baby.  This is what ensues:

Then the woman whose child was the living one spoke to the king, for she was deeply stirred over her son and said, “Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means kill him.” But the other said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him!” 1 Kings 3:26 (Underlined and bold font added)

Ahhh!  Really?

She wants to kill the child?

She’s clearly upset her son is dead, but why does she have to take away the other mother’s joy?  Why does she have to strip away the other mother’s happiness too?

Why does one woman’s success have to be at the expense of another?

Now, before we get all high and mighty, let’s point the finger at ourselves.  We too have trouble when another woman is prettier, nicer, has a better personality, is more outgoing, is less outgoing, has a more successful job, gets to stay at home with her children, gets to work…the list goes on.

The deeper I dive into this the more disgusted I get, causing me to analyze the heck out of this.

Why do I do it?  

Why is there even a need to put other women down?

As I’m digging and digging, I’m finding that my insecurity lies at the root of the issue.

Every time.

I’m serious, every time.  I wish it was something else so I could say to you, it’s not big deal, it’s someone else’s fault.  But it’s not.  Getting rid of this ugliness and judgment has to come from some serious self reflection.  And might I add, a serious conviction to change and probably years of putting this into practice…if not a lifetime.

It’s as if another woman’s success and beauty flies in the face of every single insecurity I’ve ever had.

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not pretty enough
  • I’m not thin enough
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I’m not a good enough friend
  • I’m not a good enough wife
  • I’m not a good enough mother

You name it, if it’s an insecurity of mine, another woman’s awesomeness brings it out.  I’m immediately jealous of a woman’s greatness and I am actually coveting her success or beauty.

Ya know what it means to covet?

->Wishing you had something instead of someone else having it.  It’s like a mental version of stealing.   Coveting means you literally want to take something from someone else and give it to yourself.

I literally don’t want another woman to have ________, because, well, I want it.  It doesn’t matter what it is either.  {Hints the open blank above}

And then, for the split second I stop coveting her awesomeness, I start cutting her down instead to make myself feel better.

I want to stop the



good for nothing cycle of tearing women down to elevate myself.  

In order to be happy for my fellow sisters’ successes, I’ve got to be secure in who God has made me to be.  After all, I’m the only one like me.  You’re the only one like you.  Unique.  One of a kind.  Called to do something in this world that no one else can do.

I’ve been asking God to reveal my insecurities, all so I can come right back to Him with them, baggage and all.  I’m confessing my sins of discontentment, jealousy, coveting, and letting unwholesome talk come out of my mouth and thoughts.

In the small time I’ve been hashing this out, I have found such freedom.

It’s slow going, but oh, my, goodness,

the freedom is un-be-lievable!

There’s something about it, when I stop judging others and sizing myself up to every other woman, I find freedom to be myself.  I’m not sure how or why it’s tied together.  Maybe you know?  Regardless, a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, making every ounce of effort I’ve put into changing my thought life so worth it.

What would happen if women collaborated together instead of competing against one another?  Oh, what amazing things we could do together!  Really, we could accomplish so much.

Next week, Hannah Morrison from The Cake by Hannah will be stopping by to share her story about this exact thing.  Maybe her story is like yours?  She’s a lifestyle blogger from the Big D and you’re going to looooooove her.  Trust me. 😉

Will you do this with me?  

Challenge yourself to stop judging other women, to stop tear them down, to go before God with your sin and ask for His forgiveness. I guarantee you will start living a life of wonderful, holy moly, new found freedom.


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